A Partial Understanding
by Tarnished Blade
Summary: Second effort, first published. The battle of the 14th throught the eyes of Zuruel and a glimpse at his thoughts. Please read and review. Oneshot (for now I think).


Standard Disclaimer:  I, Tarnished Blade, do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or anything associated with it and I don't own Gainax.  One day though, I will own a stock.  Then I will own a controlling majority of stock and then … Mwahahahahah… *Ahem* Excuse me, sorry 'bout that.

AN:  Second effort, first published.  The damn thing wouldn't stay out of my head.

"These are spoken words"

_'And these are thoughts'_

And now I present:

* * * A Partial Understanding * * *

A fanfiction by Tarnished Blade.

            As I walk down the streets of Tokyo-3, towards the maglev train, I absorb the atmosphere of the city.  It is stank with the scent of desperation.  Around me the people walk, point A to point B, a desperate attempt to avoid death.  The state of the human condition is a woeful one.  Their fear of death has made them forget how to rebel in its face and live.  Humanity has forgotten it is death that makes life so precious.

            As I climb onto the Tokyo-3 metro a child and his mother sit beside me.  The boy can't be more than five, stares at me with his brown eyes.  It's not hard to understand why; I have the body of a gajin.  To be precise, my features are decidedly North African, dark skin and classically facial structure.  I am a bigger, badder version of Wesley Snipes out of the movie Blade.  Easily standing at two meters I tower over the child and his mother.  I smile, the kid smiles back.  I can still see the spark of life in his eyes.  Then the mother sees us grinning at each other like a pair of committed psychopaths and just about freaks.  Heh… killjoy.

            I wonder what the kid would say if I told him what I actually am.  You can never tell with children.  An adult would just freak, faint, or come to the conclusion that I'm insane and get the hell away from me.  But a kid … a kid could go off into any direction, from "cool" to discussions of Santa Claus, God and boxcars.  Age has not dulled the edge of their drive to live and question, they do not yet know to fear death.

            At the next stop the mother drags her child off the bus and a way from the crazy looking gajin.  This time the kid waves first, and I return the gesture with a chuckle that draws a few stares.  Damn…I even _sound_ evil.  

            What am I, you ask?  Though the lines been taken, "I am I."  Or more precisely I am the embodiment of ever physical force on the face of this world.  I am the force that forges every diamond, the tempest that wiped out the civilizations of Pompeii and Atlantis.  You know me.  You have felt me in your veins, the mother that protects her young, the untapped rage at the sight of an unquestionable act of evil, the force that moves your burning legs through the last lap of the race.  I am a messenger of the one god.  My name is Zeruel.  I am the angel of might, sent to earth.  Don't fear though, for I am here to make your life … precious. 

            "Last stop!" calls out the conductor over the car speakers.

            "Indeed," I chuckle under my breath.  Blessed with knowledge of what is about to happen I am free to enjoy the irony of the statement.  And boy, do I _love_ irony. . .

            The last stop on the route is the transfer hub to enter the geofrount and Nerv itself.  I step of the train into the odd mix of uniforms, labcoats, and civilians.  I look left and into the face of the child who holds the answers I seek.  The Third Child, Shinji Ikari.  

            I immediately tense.  Realize that this is the individual that is at least partially responsible for the death of every angel to come to earth thus far since Lilith, save Ireul (the eleventh).  This … scrawny, mild-mannered, slip of a boy is the mighty slayer of my brethren!?  Oh that is rich, but I squelch my impulse to laugh.  I'm here to talk, not fight.  Well, not yet anyway.  

            Understand the Angles are definitely not all knowing.  Only one of our number knows the full scope of the creators plan.  The knowledge drove him insane.  Only recently as Lucifer become silent and the halls of hell have become hauntingly quiet. 

Since then we have be bid not to ask, with the assurance that god would give us his terrible answer.

            But I do want to know. 

            It's sometimes funny to have such a human weakness, maybe I have it to offset my strengths.  Or maybe we angels are more human than we would like to admit.

            I need to know.

            Slowly I begin to approach the child.  Not directly of course, no reason to alarm the Section-2 guards behind the boy.  As I approach, I listen to the hum of their souls.  Not to pillage, mind you, just to hear what I can hear.  And what I hear nearly drives me to kill the two agents where they stand.

            The moment the Child steps on the train he is to die.  No emotion, no questioning the order.  Their minds are nothing but simplistic machines.  This is the boy that has saved humanities' collective ass on more than one occasion and they were going to ventilate his body the moment he stepped onto the train.  

            Normally I wouldn't interfere with the dealings of mortals, but this one may have information that I seek.  I begin to hum to myself.

            '_This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine_...'

            About fifteen seconds later the angel alarm breaks out its mournful wail as NERV detects the light of my soul, my AT field.  Like I said, I'm big on irony.

            The agents decide to let the angel do their dirty work and head for the shelters themselves.  I don't mind though.

            The child's head jerks up as the angel alarm wails its sirens call.  A medley of emotions fell over his face: Shock, fear, self loathing, then sadness and resignation.  Strange, I thought the boy would be relieved to be free of this duty, this burden.

            This conversation should prove most interesting.

            "Why?" 

            "Huh?" the child responded blankly.  Jolted from his thoughts he looks around.  The agents have already disappeared leaving me in their place.  The boys gaze comes to me taking in by form.  Matching the stereotype for a Section 2 agent, he seems shocked that an "agent" would engage him in conversation.  

            "Gomen?"

            The voice carries an irritatingly timid tone.  I pinch my nose in askance before I continue.  "Why did you come here?  You fight and then just pick up and leave?  I just want to know why, kid."  '_Come on kid, I need to know.  I need the truth, why do you travel this path.'_

            "Well, I," started Shinji, then he stopped and stared at the ground as he searched for an answer.  It was a pause only made by those who wanted to give an answer they want to believe instead of the truth.

            "I guess I did it … because I was told too.  And I just can't do it any more.  They tried to kill my friend with my hands; I won't do it any more."

            "Huh," I grunt, "Ya know kid, that's first parts sad.  Really sad, but at least your reason for leaving sounds good."  '_More like freaking pathetic,'_ I seethe to myself,_ 'The brat isn't even telling the whole truth, half of it is and the other half is just what he wants the truth to be.'_  

            "Get lost kid," I say as I turn away.  '_You be damned waste of my time!'_

            "Gomen."

            Dear lord, give me a rock.  I have a need to hit my head against something hard, preferably more than once.  To think that I put in all this effort to get the third child alone so I could pick his brain, and then he spews this crap he would rather believe.  And to top it off, because of the little stunt I pulled to save his ass, I can't spend the time needed to grind the real truth out of that grey matter the runt calls a brain.

            Pity the fool that crosses my path next.  I have a can of whoop-ass I will be indulging in and _he_ is going to buy.

            * * *

            Hey, what's reddish-orange, big and spews red shit all over the place?  Unit 02, get it?

            I watch as the red evangelion shudders thought is connection to the Second Child, its blood from the wounds where the arms once were staining the ground.  Then, suddenly, the pilot snaps and the Unit rushes me.  The pilot's screams filling the cockpit as she drives her beast forward.  Impressive, but that screaming is just bloody annoying!  But there is a solution, off with her head!  

            In my true given form, my arm rushes out to meet the advancing evangelion, detaching its head just as the pilot is disconnected from the beast.  At least the screaming has stopped.

            Ah, happiness can be found at the bottom of a can of whoop-ass.

            I glance at the fallen head of the defeated Eva.  Oh, look at what we have here:  Mister Shinji Ikari, staring in abject horror at the head of the Second Child's Eva.  Good, he should know the ultimate fate of those who stand against my kind.  

            Surprisingly my soul feels a sense of disappointed as the youth turns and runs from the four-eyed head.  I expected more, but if I had lived his life with his blood running through my veins, only his memories and thoughts in my head and been in his shoes I cannot say I would have done differently.  But, at least I would have understood then.

            '_Run if you wish my young friend.  I promise you this:  One way or the other your suffering will end today.'_

            I turn away and towards my goal.  Just wait Adam, it is time.

            My, what a pretty black pyramid that is over there.  I think I'll smash it. Yeeeaaassss … I've had way to much canned whoop-ass.  *Hic*

            As I approach the structure a large set of blast doors open revealing a … giant, blue, one-armed Eva?  Now, this is real sad.  At least the other one started out with two.  The blue unit rapidly closes in on me carrying a bulky object in its remaining right arm.

            '_Oh, like I don't know what **that** is.  Sachiel wouldn't stop complaining about the damn things.'_

            Now within a stride of me the First Child deploys her AT field neutralizing my own and shoves the N2 bomb through the field towards my red orb.  Unfortunately, for her, I shield my core with an armored shell just as the weapon makes physical contact.  The thing must have been rigged to go off on physical contact, because the next thing I know there is a fading light and Unit Zero is sporting a nice toasted look.

            In keeping with the King Henry theme of the day Unit Zero looses its head as well.

            With the last Eva defeated I move to through the blast bay doors and into the very heart of Nerv itself.  '_Fee, fie, foe, fum, ready or not here I come.'_

            The pathways used to transport the evangelion units provide me easy access to the control cages.  Now I am so close I can distinctly sense Adam's presence.  I turn to my left and find a wall in my way protecting control center were I sense Adam.  As I blast the wall away I wonder why they bothered to build it.  It would stop a beserk eva about as well as it stopped me.

            As I move through the smoke and debris into the control room, a proud lilim female, with long black/purple hair and her arm in a cast stares, no she _glares_ straight into my eyes.  I lean over her and let the power begin to build.

            _'Sorry lady, but I do not lose staring contests...'_

            At which point a fist bursts through the wall next to me and delivers a vicious cross.  I get reoriented just in time to intercept the next blow with an ocular blast, severing Unit-01's left arm above the elbow.                       

            _'What!?__  The Third Child has returned? …'  _

            Unit-01 pilot quickly recovers to grab my face and slams me into one of the eva catapults.  The purple evangelion immediately lands on me and with its remaining arm seizes my face, grinding it against the rails as we are catapulted back to the surface.  When we reach the surface there is a moment of weightlessness before we come crashing down to earth.  

            The Third Child wastes no time.  He is instantly upon me, straddling by body, preventing me from using my arms.  He begins to strike me with unbelievable force with his good arm, then shifting tactics he grabs my face, fingers in my eyes and mouth making it impossible for me to use any sort of energy blasts.  And he pulls, actually pulling my face free from my body giving me a neck were there was none before.                                       

            Let me tell you that_ *hurts*_, what the hell set a fire under this kid's ass?

            Suddenly the evangelion releases my face and shifts its position to attack my red core, and a hair's breathe from victory, it stops.  Just stops freezing completely.  For a moment the silence reigns on our field of battle, and then I seize the advantage.  My "neck" rapidly healing I shift my arm free.  Wrapping the appendage around the head of the offensive beast I throw it into the first mountain I see.

            Rising above the inactive evangelion, I consider my foe, robbed of his victory by the limited power capacity of his unit's batteries.  I know without question it was the Third Child whom I had battled.  He had returned, I was wrong go judge that he was running away.  Even after his betrayal, he came back after seeing his comrade fall in battle.  And I'll bet he saw the first fall as well.  The poor bastard, he actually gives a damn.  He came back because his friends were hurting.  Now I understand the third.

            '_But_,' I reflect,_ 'No good deed goes unpunished, and the caring are truly damned,' _as I rip off Unit-01s armor to expose its own red core.

            I had promised an end to the Third Child's suffering, and I shall release the soul of Yui Ikari into the gentle realms of heaven as well.  

            I lean in, my razor edged arms striking the core of the Evangelion Unit-01 with all my strength.  Once, twice, three times.  Suddenly, I sense a surge of power from the Unit as its right hand intercepts my left arm, its fingers shredding it like soft paper.  In shock, I am yanked violently towards the seated eva.  As I impact against Unit-01 and the mountain I feel the horn of the purple eva rip into my right eye.  Then I feel the eva's foot on my chest as I am shoved away, in the process the remainder of my left arm is torn off.

            I watch, horrified, as the berserk eva holds my severed arm to what's left of its left arm and assimilates it into itself forming a new limb.

            Desperately, I launch an attack with my right arm.  Only to have the assault cut short when the berserker actually _throws_ it's AT field out, severing my remaining arm at the shoulder.

            As I fall back to earth, Unit-01's head rears back as it screams its rage to the heavens above.  By my master in heaven, I have heard these screams before.  From the halls of hell itself, the screams of those who damn themselves.  It is not, possible.  It couldn't be…

            '_What is this?'_

            As I try to some the strength for another ocular blast, I watch as the berserker falls down to all fours and with an ape-like crawl approaches my form.  Finding I lack the energy for one last act of defiance I watch Unit-01 reach for me one last time.

            '_I am sorry, Shinji Ikari.  It does not appear that I will be able to keep my promise, and I still don't understand what happening.  But at least I think I understand you now.'_

The last thing I see is Unit-01's jaw open as it reaches my face, I can hear the tendons of the jaw stretch as the maw opens.

            _'Oh, this is going to really **hurt.**'_

            _Fin_

AN:      Thank you for taking the time to read my first published fanfiction story.  Please do me a favor and do give me a review.

            Hopefully, my first effort will be ready to start being posted at the end of the week after I have the next chapter finished.  It is written for the soul purpose of being flamed and for the enjoyment of the flamers.  So top off the flame throwers and light the motif cocktails people.  That is all.


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